confusing in deep inside

i hate to be adults.
to be good.
but i have to.
i know

i hate to be me sometimes
i love to be me sometimes.

i hate my hair.
i hate my clothes
i wanna be others
stupid iam.

i hate to make a decision
iam afraid that i make
a wrong decision actually
like the old days.

i hate to pretend that iam strong
i hate to those that hurt me
i hate to those who make me sick!
i hate all of them!

but...

i have to face all those trials
i have to be good
i have to accept what ever iam
i have to learn something new
everyday i wake up. *sigh

i love to see those smile
i love to see the blue sky
i love to make them angry
i love to see they are happy
*even iam not
i love to take care all those stupid things
*because thats iam!

lastly
sometimes people cant see
because people dont even give a damn
people dont even care

but
i do care *sigh
do i care too much honey?
do i have to let everything just happen?
i know iam not a superhero
and i cant control everything

but
i want to take care everything
in a right place
in a right time
definitely i know.
i cant.

i love them
i love you
i love bout my past.